Thanks.

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the same stuff?
 

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you.
 
 

The following was written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County, GA.  (This is how I received it)

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and other liberal, bedwetters.

We hold  these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you!  You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm, If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people.  If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
 
 
 

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
 

A while back I was reading about an expert on the subject of time management.

One day this expert was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration I'm sure those students will never forget.

After I share it with you, you'll never forget it either. As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers, he said, "Okay, time for a quiz."  Then he pulled out a one-gallon,  wide-mouthed jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.  When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"

Everyone in the class said, "Yes."

Then he said, "Really?"  He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the rocks.

Then he smiled and asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?" By this time the class was onto him.  "Probably not," one of them answered.

"Good!" he replied.  And he reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand.  He started dumping sand in and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel.  Once more he asked, "Is this jar full?"

"No!" the class shouted.

Once again he said, "Good!"  Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, "What is the point of all this?"

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it."

"No!" the speaker replied, "That is not the point."  The truth is this illustration teaches us that:  "If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all!"
 

 Men and Women

 1.  A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
     A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
     doesn't want.

 2.  A woman worries about the future until she
     gets a husband
     A man never worries about the future until he
     gets a wife.

 3.  A successful man is one who makes more
      money than his wife can spend.
      A successful woman is one who can find such
      a man.

 4.  To be happy with a man you must understand
      him a lot & love him a little.
      To be happy with a woman you must love her
      a lot & not try to understand her at all.

 5.  Married men live longer than single men - but
      married men are a lot more willing to die.

 6.  Any married man should forget his mistakes -
      there's no use in two people remembering the
      same thing.

 7.  Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
      bed.
      Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 8.  A woman marries a man expecting he will
      change, but he doesn't.
      A man marries a woman expecting that she
      won't change and she does.

 9.  A woman has the last word in any argument.
      Anything a man says after that is the beginning
      of a new argument.

 10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand
       a woman - before marriage & after marriage.
 
 

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course 
swinging away. It was an obsession. 

One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was shining, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do ... play golf or give the Sunday service. Shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant, told him he was sick and asked the assistant to take care of the Sunday church service for him. He packed the car up and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. 

An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. 

He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement. 

The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball and hit a perfect drive, straight as an arrow, four-hundred yards right to the green, where it gently rolled into the cup (as they say in basketball, "nothing but net"). A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. 

The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him." 

God smiled. "I did. Think about it -- who can he tell?" 
 

"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit."
 

It all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I got hitched to a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter. My daddy came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife. So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson. But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?
 

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?" 

''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--" 

''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?" 

''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--'' 

''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'' 

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so. 

''Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in 
his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"
 

Replacement Light Bulbs
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High Point, NC 27262
336-882-BULB (2852)

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